Written by SJ Fetalino
Not gonna lie, I always used to run from my problems when I was a kid. I mean, even now, I still do. I used to wish that I could just snap my fingers and all of my problems would go away (I’m lying, I still wish that).
The human instinct when reacting to a problem is either the fight or flight response. There’s even a third option - but that’s another discussion. We either go head-to-head with the situation or run away from the issue. Most people react by running away, just like me, but what we all learn sooner or later, is that the problems never go away - they escalate.
I was asked to write a thought piece on this statement, ‘You can’t change what you won’t confront’.
It got me thinking - I’ve been putting off learning how to drive for a long time. Not having a car makes my life much, much more difficult and expensive!! If I want to go somewhere, I have to get an Uber (I think Uber needs to sponsor me considering all the trips I’ve taken with them in the past 6 months). Anyways, that statement made me realise I need to step up and finesse my driving license.
Too many times I’ve walked away from certain situations and too many times the problem is still there, just lingering. Somewhere I read that when we choose to run away from our problems or situations, we feel empowered, we feel like everything’s going to be fine. But that’s the problem there; like JK Rowling says ‘Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it’. This plays into our emotional ties as well. Yes, sometimes we may avoid the problem almost entirely, but how much do we really avoid? The issues seep into the back of our heads and leave unresolved emotional clutter scattered about.
Remember that meaningful relationship you didn’t even try to keep afloat? Or that job interview you were meant to go to but you were intimidated by the other candidates, so you left? Yes, that last one was very specific. Don’t look at me! It wasn’t me! Okay... maybe it was. When we avoid the uncomfortable things that threaten us, we don't solve anything. Those small things will continue to unsettle us, taunting our every move, affecting every new venture or new relationship. This continues to result in the same outcomes and loops, a never-ending cycle of avoidance and failure.
‘The grass is greener on the other side’ seems like the perfect strategy, but what you’ll realise is that soon, there’ll be no more greener grass. You will still be the same old you, dealing with the same old problems. And that goes for other obstacles that may be blocking you. I mean, even your parents expectations can be a part of the things that you’re choosing not to ‘confront’.
All my life my parents wanted me to do something within the medical field (typical Filipino parents). It was at around the end of high school to first year of sixth form when I realised I wanted to do something else. At first my parents weren’t entertaining the idea of me doing something other than some sort of medical profession, but when I decided to face the fear and talk to them seriously about it, they gradually began to accept my decisions. I had to face what was uncomfortable to figure out what I loved.
I’ve tried many new ventures since then, including starting my own clothing brand, and I haven’t regretted that decision. I stopped running and found that I had time to think about what I was good at and what I loved to do.
So, let me leave you with this: are you gonna live a life of regrets or will you decide to confront your situation in order to make that ‘change’ in your life?
What name do you go by? SJ
What do you do? Currently work at Luton Airport, however I have a couple side hustles (Saucey Lifestyle apparel and some other things).
Fave past time? Basketball