Is it me?

Written by Nate Holder



As of late, I seem to be having the worst luck when it comes to meeting women. Everyone has their type but I can’t get a break from the bad ones! I was having an in-depth conversation with my friend the other day and said “You know what, my type doesn’t seem to be my type”.


I was looking for:

- Natural Hair

- Funny 

- Loves God

- Family oriented

- Tall

- Smart

- Business minded 

- Loves music

- Nice a**

- Driven


I was getting fed up of meeting women who I thought were my type and eventually being disappointed at the outcome. Something needed to change. I had no idea how I'd do it - I just knew something had to change. 


Was it the way I was meeting women? Walking past an attractive woman and immediately wanting to talk to her, to get her number, was never really my thing. In my mind, I would know nothing about her. She could be the nicest person in the world - but she could also very well be the nastiest.


I was trying my hardest to come up with a reason as to how these women kept coming into my life one after the other causing unwanted disturbances. Then I came across a post on instagram: 


"I told my friend ‘I attract stupid women’.

He said ‘Nah, you attract women, then you choose the stupid ones’."


That one hit home for me. It made me sit back and reflect. Maybe my issue wasn’t with the women I came across, but with myself. Why did I keep choosing women who were unappreciative of what I brought to the table? Repeating the same process over and over was starting to turn my heart cold and I could feel myself becoming accepting of the fact that I should just become heartless. But, after seeing that post, I could clearly see that the issue actually wasn’t the women, or even with who I was choosing - the issue was me.


I used to say, “She doesn’t appreciate how thoughtful I am.”

I now understand that just because I pay attention to the detail doesn’t mean I have to show off what I've noticed. How do I know she deserves or even wants that level of attention at this stage. 


I would say, “She doesn’t respect my time.”

The real question is, why was I giving so much of my time if it was so precious that I was offended when it wasn't appreciated?


I was sabotaging myself, distorting my view of women and blaming them for it, so I decided to take a look in the mirror and fix what I saw.


It’s not that “my type doesn’t seem to be my type” or that I was choosing the wrong ones. The real issue was that I desperately wanted to get to know them on a different level, that I’d always allowed them unwarranted access to a side of me they had not asked for.  


Realising that left me understanding that there is no reason for me to become heartless or to allow my heart to turn cold. There’s also no reason at all that I should view women as being anything less than great. Instead of worrying about finding the right woman, I need to focus on myself and continue to grow in every way possible building a strong foundation, not only for a solid starting point for a relationship, but for myself, first and foremost. 


Self reflection is a beautiful thing and having friends that you trust and who can help you look at things from a different perspective is amazing too. Sometimes the issue might not be with the other person, it might be closer to home than you think. 



Nate Holder

Nate Holder is a young business man who is following his passion and evolving on a journey.

He is passionate about business, fashion, art, basketball and love.

His favourite past (and present) time is basketball.

He is a skilled artist and conversationalist. Regular perusal of his social posts will leave you encouraged, motivated and ready to converse on a deeper level.

Nate's says, 'Enjoy the journey you're on. At times it won’t be easy but it will all be worth it in the end.'


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