Thank you for taking an interest in us. For wanting to fix us, help us and lead us.
However, most respectfully, we want you to know, we don’t need to be fixed, helped or lead. We need pathways to solutions for ourselves, access to support we can utilise and, we want you to stand by our side so that we can walk together.
You spend so much time looking for answers.
‘Tell me, how can I reach your kind?’, you say.
‘What do people like you want?’, you ask.
‘What methods work for those that make my job harder because they are so hard to reach?’ you imply.
What we hear is - you think we are the mouthpieces for our entire communities
What we think is - you’re looking for shortcuts
What we know is - we have had to make our own way because while you’re in the business of saving lives, it’s been made clear, that doesn’t mean ours.
It sometimes feels as though you believe we’re sat at home figuring out ways to avoid you, but we’re not. We’ve been leaving our comfort zones to save ourselves and you, all of our lives.
No matter our race, class, creed, gender, sexual orientation, economic status or political views, we, like you, are human - but we’re acutely aware of the fact that the options available to us are designed for people who look like or who think like you.
When services say, ‘for cancer patients’, we assume that means ‘for all who have cancer’, but we now understand, that ‘all’ is conditional. We have no access.
We’re told to engage with organisations who are as quick to deny toxic environments when called out on racism, nepotism and implicit bias, as they are to deny our culture, identity and autonomy. The same bodies who ask us to commit to a way of thinking that belies our very nature.
Again, these systems were built with you in mind. They remove barriers for you, but place the responsibility for the ones that remain for us squarely at our feet. They celebrate posters created in multiple languages, but are too tone-deaf to see that language isn’t the problem. Communication is.
You work hard to not see colour and we commend that but, we see our colour and implicitly understand the privileges afforded to you even as you fail to acknowledge the opportunities denied to us. Your clinics are filled with posters, but not with people who ‘get it’. They’re teeming with staff but not with understanding, and they’re crammed with information, but without a drop of community.
Not seeing us guarantees that we have to work harder to ensure things are not happening to, but for us.
Yes, you’re committed to doing your best, but before you burn out on your version of what’s best, ask yourself this: best for whom?
We are tired of engaging with those committed to misunderstanding our experiences. So, let’s see if we can answer some of your questions:
How do you engage?
We’re exhausted. So, understand and engage with that.
What do we want?
We’re frustrated. Offer respite and compassion. Engage with that.
What methods truly work?
Engage with our need to really be seen. Stop asking how you can help and listen to the cries. They are not silent.
You want to help, but intent is not enough. If you really mean what you say, stop talking and show up. Be available. If you want to possess the clarity necessary to understand a perspective that doesn’t belong to you, listen. Not in our spaces (don’t clumsily intrude), not in our faces (don’t force your questions or perspectives) but seek answers in the places we naturally occupy (we live in the same world you do – we are not invisible). We are not silent. We care and we share. You just have to work a little harder to hear us.
We want you to keep going. If you can build trust (even without our help), you will begin to remove barriers and the bridges will build themselves.
If you remember nothing else, remember this: we don’t want you to see us so that you can save us. We want to be seen so that you will stop inadvertently placing barriers that prevent us from saving ourselves.
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